Super Market Express Lane

You know how when you run into the supermarket to just pick up a few things you forgot you end up standing in line at the express check out surreptitiously checking out other people's baskets.  Not to count if they have less than 12 items, but just to see what they forgot.  No judgment, just entertainment.  What?  You don't do this?  Again, I say this may not be the blog for you.

I do check out people's express lane baskets.  I'm not afraid to admit it.  But I take it a step further, and imagine the recipe they're going to make from the unusual items in their basket or the exact reason they are buying those items.

For example:

Lettuce, bacon, croutons -- obviously Caesar salad.
Peanut butter, bread, milk -- kid's lunch.
Eggs, butter, chocolate chips -- cookies.
Celery, carrots, rice cakes -- first day of new diet.
Benadryl, gatorade, tissues -- cold comfort.
Flowers, chocolate, wine -- forgiveness.
Artichokes, Oranges, Yogurt  -- Ick!
Glue, poster board, construction paper -- school project.
Milk, milk, milk -- teenagers home for the summer
Shampoo,  t-bone steak, light bulbs -- I got nothing!
High heat salsa, jalapeno pepper, oddly flavored chips -- Disaster
Antacid, imodium, pepto -- (same person as above, next day)

I could go on for hours, but you get the idea.

This happened years ago.  I was running into the store on the way home from a church meeting that went way too late.  The guy in front of me in the express line was dressed as if he just got off of his motorcycle on his way to the local Harley club meeting.  He looked the part perfectly.  (Actually he looked exactly like our ice cream man Maurice, but that's a post for another day.)

In his basket:

Cigarettes (o.k.  expected that )
Beer (o.k. also expected that based on the judging-a-book-by-its-cover axiom)
Chocolate candy bar (not as expected, but not too surprising)
Ensure nutritional drink (WHAT??)
Gerbil cage bedding  (This is the one that tipped the laugh out loud scale for me)

It was too much.  I couldn't help it.  I tried to hold back the laughter but I accidentally snorted.  I had to ask.  I know you would have too:

"Is your gerbil a chain smoker?"

Without a second thought the guy looked at his basket and said:

"No, but his diet isn't so great"

Together me and and my new BFF Mr. Harley enjoyed a moment at Wegmans -- good times!

Then we went out in the parking lot together, cracked open a beer and split the candy bar. -- No we didn't, but that would have made for a good story.  Even funnier if you know me in person.

It still makes me snort a little whenever I see someone buying gerbil cage bedding.

By the way, in my basket that night -- just apple juice.

Also by the way do you know you have to capitalize Caesar salad to pass go with spell check?