The over use of utilize.

I do work with words (in several languages) in my real life, but I am far from the grammar police type.

You know that.  You've been reading here for 7 months now.

[However, if I ever get a chance to meet Lynn Truss in person she may freak out a little when I hug her as if we're BFFs.]

But...

And you knew this was coming.

I regularly get e-mail from an organization whose chief communicator likes to "fancy up" her writing by using the word "utilize."  It just comes across as pretentious and makes me want to do strange things to follow her instructions to the letter.

Here's some background for the more grammatically tolerant among us:

You can never go wrong by using the word "use"

• I like to use a fork to eat my kale.
• I need to use a fork to prop open the broken window.

Saying "I like to utilize a fork to eat my kale."  is just wrong!  Even if you like Kale.

What does OED say about all of this?

[talk about being pretentious -- I'm not even going to tell you what OED stands for just assuming you're smart enough to know!]

Use:  to make use of (some immaterial thing) as a means or instrument; to employ for a certain end or purpose.

Utilize:  to make or render useful; to convert to use, turn to account.

So to translate from English to English.  

You use something for the purpose for which it was intended: 

fork = kale eating

You utilize something as an adaption for which it was not originally intended:

fork = window prop

While you can "use" a spoon to eat soup, you cannot "utilize" a spoon to eat soup because that would be overdone and make you sound like a self-important soup slurper! 

You can however "utilize" that same spoon to drum out a tune on the table.

Got it?

So when I get an e-mail from this organization telling me to "utilize the link below to sign up for your time slot...."  It makes me want to "utilize" the link to hack into the system and sign up people with made up alliterative names for every time slot.

You see what I did there.

I followed the grammar rules.

I "utilized" the link for a purpose that was definitely not intended!  

I think the original instructions want me to "use" the link to sign myself up for a time slot.

When I get an e-mail from this organization telling me to "utilize the front parking lot on Saturday morning" it makes me want to set up a circus tent and invite all of my lion tamer friends over for a party on Saturday.

I think the original instructions want me to "use" the front parking lot to park my car.

So you can see that utilizing the word utilize incorrectly can cause grammar angst, unnecessary alliterative pseudonyms and extreme danger if lions with their confused tamers suddenly end up in the school parking lot.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

I had always hoped to utilized this blog for the greater good.

Mission utilized accomplished.